It is in times like this where we find out who are real friends are.During the times we have nothing tangible to give to others just our heart and our friendship. When we are along and bored and people know how to reach you and the avenues of communucation now a days are wide open and yet the phone stays silent, and the E box just collects junk.
It becomes apparent during these times that if you are the only one making an effort to stay in touch with people maybe those people do not deserve to be called friends. I am expempting those certain individuals who told me ahead of time what their plans were. Too many others just are too caught up in their own stuff and frankly selfish when it comes to who they call friends.
This who thing just exas erbates things. I din't get a formal invite to my best friends little girls 5 b-day party because she was not sure if I would be feeling up to it. I just told her ya won't know until you try. She eventually invite me when asking about some pictures I needed to get to them. I don't have the plauge, I have breast cancer. Which is being treated accordingly. I cannot give it to anyone and I don't need to be avoided just in case. I am still me. Goofy, funny. opinionated, sarcastic, over thinking individualI have always been. I just think others are afraid when they hear someone has the big C and they don't know what to say. I say talk to me like you always have. If I am not feeling well enough to attend the party I will let ya know. Just don't treat me different. Many people I have called friends have fallen to the wayside since I told them.
During times like I a have where at times I can get depressed becaue I am so tired much of the time, and I am bored just laying around here. I would hope htat my friends would remember that when they ned someone to be a friend or be with them I am always the first person they call and I will do whatI can to get there no matter the distance.
Maybe I need to create a new gauge for friendship. I don't want to be a friend of conveinence or only if they need something. I want o have my phone ring from time to time and just hear a friendly voice on the other end say I just called to say hi what's up with you lately? I don't want to be the constant instigator of those calls and Emails.
This experience the last few days have beenenlightening to say the least. If you want brutal honestly right now I am crying (which I never do) but I am because I finally see the big picture of who my friends are and are not. It saddens me. I'm lonely and people seems so afraid to be around me like they can catch it. I don't understand it but it is what it is.
I do understand people have bus y lives with work, school, family etc. But it does not take but a few minutes to punch an Email out,or place a phone call. I don't know maybe it's my frame of mind and being bummed out tonight but it just seems like it would be easier to go back to what I know for sure years ago. IF I am going to survive and thrive thatI need to pull everything I need frommyself and never reply on anyone one else ever. Friends are good but acquaintances are sometimes better. With friendships there becomes a certain trust and healthy dependence on. The best analogy I can think of right now as I amfalling asleep typing is imagine a 2 lane raod but 1 lane stops 1/4 of the way. Now I am in the lane that goes all the way to the end and sopme of my so called friends are at that end coming towards me, but the road ends before we even get to the half way point. And they can't figure out anyother was to reach at least that half way mark. If it were me i would get out and walk it, or go off road to ge there. I am a very loyal friend and will do whatI have to to get to my friends if they need something. Just as my friend in So Cali. she neded me and in less then 12 hours of hanging up the phone with her I was on a plane and not only that had landed in San Diego , rented a car and was at her hours. This was 12 hours after she said she needed me and I knew she was in bad shape. I am not asking for anythign drastic like that but I have had 1 phone call and that was tonight and one text. It's lonely, but it is a good thing I am used to feeling that way at many different tmes in my life. It is a familiar feeling to me. I can cope with it. I guess I just thought that I was finally past that and hadsome great friends. Guess that whole thought needs to be reexamined. Maybe I just need to pull back from everyone. It would save me the tears that are falling now, and sorrow in my heart.
Oh well that is life, or at least mine. I don't have he same energy to be the one to always make the contact first. So my guess is even more will fall to the weigh side. I don't ant them too but thatis up to them. whatever, I am fine. Always have been always will be!
Please forgive any spelling errors I am more than half a sleep writing this. Don't feel like running a spell check.
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Monday, November 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Arguments disagreements whatever you call them...
I have a very good friend. We have been friends for around 15 years. We know things about each other that others do not. We had an argument for 3 day or so until today. Today it's over, and I really believe that together our bond became close.
We were both hurt and expressed it in Emails to each other. However, some of my other friends I may not have felt comfortable enough to express my emotions to them. Her, Lets call her EM. It was really the first "fight" we have ever had on that level. Sure we have had issues along the way but never like this. We are very much alike although in some areas we are so alike it is like a single lightening strike sparking a massive wildfire.
I did not love her any less because of this last incident even in the heat of things. I don't ever see her not being apart of my like. We bring out the best in each other.
However, the wildfire got lite. it spread rampantly and destroyed hundreds of miles of vegetation. But the one thing about wildfires and hard as they are to go through (I know I had to evacuate my house several times in Southern Cali due to them) the devastation they leave behind of lost homes and belongings, all the trees, bushes and basic ground cover, and yes the mud slides that can happen after that during the rainy season. mud slides happen after wildfires because there is no longer anything to slow them down like trees or bushes and such.So the water has a clean path to run rampant. All of the vegetation that gets lost in the fires is actually a good thing. True fact. When those canyons and all areas begin to grow back it really is out with the old and in with the new. It is but one way that mother natures uses to cleanse the landscape and make it better.
That is what happened between EM and I. The issues were cleansed and we can grow together as friends even farther. There may be a few metaphoric mud slides in our future but we will get through those too.
So EM (you know who you are) if you are reading this that is one of your positive thoughts for you day. The past few days have actually been good. the fire just got really hot for a bit.
After all was said and done it was really hard to go through it but we are better for it. Love you EM!
We were both hurt and expressed it in Emails to each other. However, some of my other friends I may not have felt comfortable enough to express my emotions to them. Her, Lets call her EM. It was really the first "fight" we have ever had on that level. Sure we have had issues along the way but never like this. We are very much alike although in some areas we are so alike it is like a single lightening strike sparking a massive wildfire.
I did not love her any less because of this last incident even in the heat of things. I don't ever see her not being apart of my like. We bring out the best in each other.
However, the wildfire got lite. it spread rampantly and destroyed hundreds of miles of vegetation. But the one thing about wildfires and hard as they are to go through (I know I had to evacuate my house several times in Southern Cali due to them) the devastation they leave behind of lost homes and belongings, all the trees, bushes and basic ground cover, and yes the mud slides that can happen after that during the rainy season. mud slides happen after wildfires because there is no longer anything to slow them down like trees or bushes and such.So the water has a clean path to run rampant. All of the vegetation that gets lost in the fires is actually a good thing. True fact. When those canyons and all areas begin to grow back it really is out with the old and in with the new. It is but one way that mother natures uses to cleanse the landscape and make it better.
That is what happened between EM and I. The issues were cleansed and we can grow together as friends even farther. There may be a few metaphoric mud slides in our future but we will get through those too.
So EM (you know who you are) if you are reading this that is one of your positive thoughts for you day. The past few days have actually been good. the fire just got really hot for a bit.
After all was said and done it was really hard to go through it but we are better for it. Love you EM!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Interestingly Enough
Have you ever examined your friendships? Every now and then I think about my closest friends. What I find ironic those people are the ones I usually detested at the first meeting. One of them in particular I'll call her M. She thought I was snotty , stuck up and just generally obnoxious. I thought she was brash, pushy and down right annoying. We met at work. She worked the 3rd. shift and I came in as a first shifter. The clients she could not stand I really liked. We are direct opposites. I was outside grabbing my last smoke before I went in to work, she was leaving and asked me a question about a bumper sticker on my 91 chevy cavalier. We started talking and some 17 years later we are very good friends and I would not trade her for anything. Well maybe.. Na.. I'll keep her.
Than you have those friends who are always right even when you don't want them to be. Ya know, the one ya call first when your mad or upset? They respond with something that just makes you even more angry or a lecture that was not requested but you know you needed to hear. Like lectures ever are requested right? Yet, those are the people that you keep calling over and over again. Knowing full well what you are in for, and some how you end up on the other end of the speech again. Hang up and cuss them out in your vehicle, throw the cell phone across the truck, and swear "I'm never talking to them again." 2 days later there you are again same song different day. I would not give her away for a million dollars.
Than there is those perky ones that just drive you nuts because all they do smile and everything is just swell. I have one of those friends too. She worked in the human resources department where I worked when I got injured at work by a 12 year old boy. I had 3 surgeries in 3 months. First to fix the fractured knee cap, second to remove an infection, third to remove all the excess scar tissue that had built up. She inevitably would call within a day or so out of surgery. With all that perky hi how are are you crap. All sweet and nice and wayyyyyy to happy. She would tell me that when she would fire people they would cry, give her a hug than say thank you. I was like are you kidding me? You fire me you better have my check in your right hand while I give you your damn keys in your left. Although, I know I would not have been quiet as nice as that. I mean really What's up with hugging someone who just fired you? I don't think so. Yet, today we talk several times a week. She is still annoyingly perky but I would not give her up either.
I have many more friends like that from pastors T, you know who are, to another M who I have known since high school. You see, all these people are different and I love them all. I would do anything and give all I have for any one of them. If there is one thing I have learned in life is it's all about passion. I used to be a very angry kid at times and as I said in an earlier post I learned that anger directed the right way is passion. I am a passionate person. My friend know with me what they see is what they get. No bull, straight up talk, and sometimes an attitude to match.
However, when one has the friends that I have there is always the right person there for the right situation. My friends are apart of my family. That is who I am. Like it or leave it. I can come on like a busload of truck drivers at times, but I have that other side that I don't like to show too often that is sensitive and very giving. That is all apart of life. More giving than recieving.
My grandma when I was young, (my dad's mom) I thought knew the meaning of life. I asked her one time. I was maybe 11 or so and she was in a nursing home. I'll never forget what she said. be yourself, find your passion and never let anything stop you. The hills and valleys along the way are just part of the ride, and if you ride with them you'll always come out on top. Well, I think I have and continue to do that. I love my God, my family and friends, and the bumps in the road are just temporary and I am happy with it all.
I mean if I look around even at family members I have not been in contact with for years I am communicating with again an it's wonderful. Their wonderful.
Geez, not I am starting to sound like a brash, lecturery, perky person. AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! What has become of me???
Than you have those friends who are always right even when you don't want them to be. Ya know, the one ya call first when your mad or upset? They respond with something that just makes you even more angry or a lecture that was not requested but you know you needed to hear. Like lectures ever are requested right? Yet, those are the people that you keep calling over and over again. Knowing full well what you are in for, and some how you end up on the other end of the speech again. Hang up and cuss them out in your vehicle, throw the cell phone across the truck, and swear "I'm never talking to them again." 2 days later there you are again same song different day. I would not give her away for a million dollars.
Than there is those perky ones that just drive you nuts because all they do smile and everything is just swell. I have one of those friends too. She worked in the human resources department where I worked when I got injured at work by a 12 year old boy. I had 3 surgeries in 3 months. First to fix the fractured knee cap, second to remove an infection, third to remove all the excess scar tissue that had built up. She inevitably would call within a day or so out of surgery. With all that perky hi how are are you crap. All sweet and nice and wayyyyyy to happy. She would tell me that when she would fire people they would cry, give her a hug than say thank you. I was like are you kidding me? You fire me you better have my check in your right hand while I give you your damn keys in your left. Although, I know I would not have been quiet as nice as that. I mean really What's up with hugging someone who just fired you? I don't think so. Yet, today we talk several times a week. She is still annoyingly perky but I would not give her up either.
I have many more friends like that from pastors T, you know who are, to another M who I have known since high school. You see, all these people are different and I love them all. I would do anything and give all I have for any one of them. If there is one thing I have learned in life is it's all about passion. I used to be a very angry kid at times and as I said in an earlier post I learned that anger directed the right way is passion. I am a passionate person. My friend know with me what they see is what they get. No bull, straight up talk, and sometimes an attitude to match.
However, when one has the friends that I have there is always the right person there for the right situation. My friends are apart of my family. That is who I am. Like it or leave it. I can come on like a busload of truck drivers at times, but I have that other side that I don't like to show too often that is sensitive and very giving. That is all apart of life. More giving than recieving.
My grandma when I was young, (my dad's mom) I thought knew the meaning of life. I asked her one time. I was maybe 11 or so and she was in a nursing home. I'll never forget what she said. be yourself, find your passion and never let anything stop you. The hills and valleys along the way are just part of the ride, and if you ride with them you'll always come out on top. Well, I think I have and continue to do that. I love my God, my family and friends, and the bumps in the road are just temporary and I am happy with it all.
I mean if I look around even at family members I have not been in contact with for years I am communicating with again an it's wonderful. Their wonderful.
Geez, not I am starting to sound like a brash, lecturery, perky person. AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! What has become of me???
Friday, April 25, 2008
Friends
I love my friends, and I have a lot of them. However as most people know there are those friends that are just that friends. Than there are those that are closest to you and know you better than you know yourself and vice versa. Most of the later is usually a very small circle. I can count those in my life on pretty much one hand. I would lay my life down for them, do virtually anything for them to help them.
Tonight I face a conundrum. I lave a friend i love and would lay my life down for and she needs help. However, she is across the country in California. What do I do? She really needs the help and support of a sister in Christ. i don't have a lot of money and would have a lot of arrangements to make in a short period of time. Again, what do I do?
I have made a plan and am going to do it. Tomorrow it will play out when I fly into San Diego airport. I am taking the last I have and go and help her. I think that is what a close friend. I am not doing it to gain anything and I expect nothing. I love her and she needs help end of story.
I am reminded of the story on the Bible where a group of friends tore off the roof in desperation to where Jesus was teaching and in a make shift basket lowered their friend down through the roof so that Jesus could heal him. What did Jesus do? Healed and helped their friend. Now I am not comparing myself to Jesus here in no way do I even come close, but it we were back in those days I would tear the roof off and lower her down.
The next best thing I have is an airplane and a shoulder to cry on, and hopefully help her through this time and let her know that she is worth it to me, the world, and to God.
So if you are reading this please pray for me to have the wisdom to know what to say and pray for her to have whatever is oppressing her to be not only lifted but thrown as far as the east is from the west.
Tonight I face a conundrum. I lave a friend i love and would lay my life down for and she needs help. However, she is across the country in California. What do I do? She really needs the help and support of a sister in Christ. i don't have a lot of money and would have a lot of arrangements to make in a short period of time. Again, what do I do?
I have made a plan and am going to do it. Tomorrow it will play out when I fly into San Diego airport. I am taking the last I have and go and help her. I think that is what a close friend. I am not doing it to gain anything and I expect nothing. I love her and she needs help end of story.
I am reminded of the story on the Bible where a group of friends tore off the roof in desperation to where Jesus was teaching and in a make shift basket lowered their friend down through the roof so that Jesus could heal him. What did Jesus do? Healed and helped their friend. Now I am not comparing myself to Jesus here in no way do I even come close, but it we were back in those days I would tear the roof off and lower her down.
The next best thing I have is an airplane and a shoulder to cry on, and hopefully help her through this time and let her know that she is worth it to me, the world, and to God.
So if you are reading this please pray for me to have the wisdom to know what to say and pray for her to have whatever is oppressing her to be not only lifted but thrown as far as the east is from the west.
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